So I'm sitting here sampling my amazing "Chocolate Secrets" Chocolate that was a birthday gift from Kat. I chose to eat the purple one because it looked pretty, and I love white chocolate and lavender. For those that have not visited Chocolate Secrets, go now! It's in Dallas, and they also serve kick butt crepes and at night it turns into a Jazz cafe. My favorite drink is their hot chocolate with chilli in it.
So savoring my chocolate moursel got me to thinking. I can never remember a time in my life, except now, where I've had a relatively good relationship with food. Growing up it was misued and I often ate emotionally to the point of making myself sick. It was no longer about enjoying the food set in front of me, but about trying to fill the voids in my life with it. In essence, food became an addiction, but an addiction far worse than alcohol or smoking, or even drugs. Someone who is addicted to food has to constantly be exposed to it, making it *that much* harder to abstain and not overeat. At least smokers, druggies, and alcoholics can choose not to be around those things, and you don't need them to sustain life. It's a whole new ball game with food, and it only takes one look at the infamous 1,000lb man to realize that food addiction is deadly, lifechanging, and even if you over come it, it has side effects. Even if that 1,000lb man loses weight, think of all the surgeries and procedures he'll have to endure to get the extra skin off.
For the past few days, I've been experimenting with changing both my diet and my mindset. A)I cut out most carbs because let's face it, I'm totally addicted, and B)I've been trying to let myself have what I want, other than carbs, in small healthy amounts so that I don't feel deprived. Hence eating a glorious piece of gourmet chocolate. I'll eventually add pasta and bread back in (the gluten free kind that is), but it's like quitting any addiction. I have to seperate myself from it so my body no longer craves it, and so that I learn new ways of dealing with difficult emotions besides turning to food.
I admire the French way of eating, and that's where I'm trying to get my attitude towards food to head. I like that they absolutely love food, but that they are satisfied with much smaller portions of gourmet goodness. Anton Ego: I don't LIKE food. I LOVE it. If I don't love it, I don't SWALLOW. ~Ratatouille
So far, 10 more lbs down, and tons to go. But the weight loss isn't what I care about anymore. I just want to have a right relationship with food again.